Things have changed so completely from the way they were in previous generations that attempting to live by these standards makes life even more complicated. The position of man and woman has changed in the society of the western world in the last decades and the traditional form of family is breaking apart. The influence of the churches has diminished in our modern life – but a new applicable structure is missing – nothing what we can use for our orientation. Every third marriage now ends in divorce in the first ten years. From our parents we were conditioned to blame ourselves or the partner for anything that didn't work. That means one is the poor innocent victim and the other one the victimizer. So we are involved in a war where there will be no winner only two losers: The war of genders – for two thousand years supported by the church and society this drama is still going on – without a solution.
Will we be part of this frustrating, energy absorbing black hole? Traditional psychology has little to offer, they only scratch at the surface of present behaviours and the advices they give don't last for long! The real cause of all the trouble lies much deeper – in the paradigms we integrated in our subconscious and which cover our true personality. But the paradigms of the couple interact in their discussions – the true individuals are concealed beneath all this garbage.
Even in the worst situation of violence – there are also causes to be the victim. If we don't reveal the cause of this behaviour, we will attract a relationship of violence again and again – or become frustrated singles with no chance of finding a mate.
Our partner is – if we like it or not – the magnifying glass of our own concealed aspects in the subconscious. The only way to find "the one" is: We have to find ourselves first. And there is one more vital important point: In a lot of love films and in love songs we even glorify this dangerous illusion: We try to give our partner a place, he never ever will be able to fulfil because he or she is only a human being. We glorify him, place him on a pedestal as the only significance in our life – he or she has to fill our gaps, satisfy all our needs. This is a responsibility no one can ever take; on the contrary this is the seed for the failure of the marriage!
The only person who can do all this for us, is we ourselves. This needy unfulfilled attitude is the stage of development of a child. A child can be loved but it can never be a lover! Just think of two people –both standing before each other with open hands to receive what they are lacking – do you think this will lead to fulfilment?
If both partners value their relationship that much that they are open to find their own paradigms to improve their relationship, the outcome is of course certain: They will grow together by growing personally and every new crisis will only serve to improve their relationship even more – then they understand the deeper purpose of a marriage: An excellent chance to uncover the own ego and to speed up in the development of personal consciousness. Or let's say it simply: From I over YOU to WE.
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